Emotional Intelligence in Children 

-Nidhi Kundra

When children feel overpowered by their emotions, they, just like adults, say or do things subconsciously, that they may not really want to, but, this is more so in children as they are easily overwhelmed by their emotions. 

What are emotions?

Emotions, in very simple terms, involve a response (physiological or behavioral, or both) to a subjective experience. 

What is the difference between emotion and mood?

People often confuse emotions and mood as the same, however, there is a clear psychological distinction between the two. 

While emotions are intense, they are quite short-lived, having a definite cause. Mood on the other hand is usually a milder expression, but may last over a period of several days!

What is emotional self-regulation?

The ability to identify one's emotion and be able to control the expression of the same, is termed as emotional self-regulation, and it forms an important part of emotional intelligence. In most cases, children around the age of 10, can not only identify their emotions but are also able to deal with them, if guided properly. 

Contrary to the popular belief, emotional intelligence is as strong a predictor of later success, just like IQ. Incidentally, the world still lurks around academic intelligence as a parameter for a child's success as an adult. 

What is emotional intelligence?

The term emotional intelligence encompasses awareness and understanding of, and the ability to express and manage emotions. 

Self-regulation is an important component of emotional intelligence and a definite factor in predicting achievement in children. The children who learn to avoid distractions exhibit more prosocial behavior and are shown to be focused on their goals. 

What is the role of feelings in emotional intelligence?

Some researches and studies attest to the fact that each of the primary emotions experienced by human beings serve a distinct purpose and are both a predictor and a motivator of our behavior. 

Let's take the example of sadness, the emotion clearly slows us down, both in thought and action. However, this is also an opportunity to clearly look upon the source of emotion and reflect. Anger, on the other hand acts as an accelerant mobilizing thoughts and instigating immediate action. It can therefore be looked upon as a defense mechanism that keeps us aware of our rights and integrity, while providing continued energy for sustaining in ever-changing environment. 

When valued and reflected upon, emotions lead us directly to the path of self-development, which is what emotional intelligence is all about!

What are the steps to foster emotional intelligence in children?

• Awareness: It has been proven that parents who are aware of their own feelings and are sensitive to those of the others, train their children in doing the same via their own actions. Awareness, therefore is a conscious action towards emotional self-regulation. 
• Opportunity: As discussed above, each emotional outburst is an opportunity for self-reflection and self-development; and also an opportunity for connecting with the children to support and learn with them. 
• Listening: A very important factor that provides security to the children is when they are heard and feel that their emotions are being acknowledged. Sometimes, the child may just want to be heard...so listen!
• Identification: With every emotional outburst, it becomes important to help the child develop an awareness of the emotion, to name the emotion and reflect upon it. 
• Coping: This is the final stage that defines what behaviors are acceptable. Authority may not work in this respect, as much as problem-solving would. So, help the children develop their own problem solving skills and let them define behavior as appropriate or inappropriate. 

Emotional self-regulation requires patience! It is both a teaching and a learning experience, that derives results only from an empathetic and compassionate environment, that believes in the child!